HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
