no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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