dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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