a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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