Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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