...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
