I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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