The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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