Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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