if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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