hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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