i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
