Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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