Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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