brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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