I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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