it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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