Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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