i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
