im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
