I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
