6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.