You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
