Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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