My girlfriend figured out who you are.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
