after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize