420 ftw
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
