I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
