so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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