fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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