I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
