Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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