On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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