If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sext me about skeletons
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
