erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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