I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
