So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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