I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
