my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
