Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
