Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
