And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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