if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
