3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
