Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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