i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
