he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
