i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
