this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
