hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
