I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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