So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
