Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
