need another drink. this is the easiest way
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
