ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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