So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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