I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
