Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
