Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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