Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
