i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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