i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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