I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
