i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
