video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
