I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
