Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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