So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
