Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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