Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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