Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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