these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
