just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
