Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
