The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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