Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
