I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize