I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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