is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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