just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I pour the whiskey from now on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
