we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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